And how lucky is he to be in Spain when the country wins the World Cup for the first time in history!!  As my Dad said yesterday, “if Spain wins the World Cup today, people will be drinking for a week.”  Hope they’re conducting sobriety tests on the pilots today!

Our conversations with David have been brief, but reveal that he is having an amazing time, is totally enthralled with his surroundings and pace of life, and I know this experience will mark one of the “greats” of his life.

I also know he is truly lucky.  After sharing a conversation with David with my family, my sister in law wrote about how wonderful it would be if every American could spend some time abroad.  I loved a quote that she shared from Mark Twain:

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”

Luckily, given our kids have navigated through a very diverse public school system, I believe they approach life with a very open mind.  But I’m sure this trip has been an eye-opener, even if it is to realize just how small this world really is.  While we all come from different places and may speak a totally different language, we all achieve grounding in realizing our core is very similar.

Congratulations Spain!

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It’s what we all say we should do often with all of those around us who are special – expressing just how and why each individual in our lives is so meaningful to us.  But when it comes down to it, it just doesn’t always happen for whatever reason. I think we’re all good at handing out praise when our children have done well, and saying “I love you,” but the deep heart felt prose that takes some reflection probably does not happen easily or often enough.

Sure, I try to write a few special and meaningful sentences in birthday cards and Valentine cards, but still, it’s just not the same thing.  So as I sit here, I try to figure out how I could incorporate, in a most special way, a more regular practice of letting my children in particular know just how much I love them and how special they are.  It strikes me that around the Thanksgiving table might be a wonderful way of creating a new tradition that gives thanks to those around us.  We certainly do that now, but not in any specific, personally touching way.

What about you?  Has anyone had the occasion to prepare in great depth special commentary about their children?  Graduations and weddings are certainly ample opportunities, but how nice to be able to do it as they’re growing.

Let me know if you have any thoughts.

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At some point, our children inevitably do or say something that runs counter to or challenges those family beliefs. For unsuspecting and well-intentioned parents, these confrontations over values can be like a proverbially kick to the family jewels. For example, I remember the first time a child of mine lied to me.  With my values of honesty and open communication, I was devastated and convinced that I had failed as a parent.

Such were the thoughts that swirled in my head as I read the dilemma of Slate columnist Emily Bazelon: her elementary-aged sons were rebelling against their family tradition of hosting a birthday party book swap.  Early in their children’s lives, Bazelon and her husband decided to take a stand against the excess of material possessions which is true for so many American kids. So, for birthday parties, guests were asked to bring a wrapped book instead of a gift for the birthday boy; at the end of the party, each person left with a new book (plus a party favor).

Curious how my children (now teens) would react to the idea of party devoid of presents, I read Bazelon’s piece to Caitlin and Jackson. “That’s ridiculous,” Jackson sputtered, alternating between anger and sympathy over the lack of birthday presents. “It seems like the parents are trying too hard to make the point,” said a slightly chagrined Caitlin.

Bazelon received lots of feedback on Slate.com about her family tradition (much of it could have been written by my kids). A few offered alternatives on how to pass along the anti-consumption message to children.

As for me, I think the book swap party was a terrific idea whose time had passed. I salute the Bazelon parents in their efforts to teach their kids values and hope they come up with other nifty ideas that are a better fit for the kids’ stage in life.

I’d love to beg, borrow or steal others’ ideas about passing along values to our children. (And that last verb is NOT a family value in our house – really!)

Thoughts?

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• She lived a full 75 years – touching and shaping many lives, full of smiles and wonderful experiences
• Despite declining health, she had no pain and was quickly taken away from us in a peaceful passing; we were truly lucky to not witness suffering or the loss of independence that a nursing home would have subjected her to down the road
• I feel grateful that she celebrated momentous milestones in her life – the marriage to a wonderful, “always fun around the corner” type husband, the birth of two daughters and six grandchildren, and the celebration of 50 years of marriage.

While she will be sorely missed, I am so grateful she lived a long, meaningful and giving life. Her posititive and loving imprint is on all of us that she knew.  In reflection, as a mother, it makes you think about what it is that your children will remember about you – what are the most meaningful imprints you can impart?

I find the imprints of the fabric my mother wove for me are comprised of many of the small things in life – whether it is the late night snacks of anchovies on butter and saltine crackers (yes, weird I know), her bravery to take teenage girls abroad on extended travel (I would never have the guts to do so), her ability to make everything so nice with her special little touches (even down to the way she folded the bath towels), making me steak and egg breakfasts on the days of my swim meets, the monthly package of newspaper clippings from our hometown paper that she sent my sister and I to keep us informed of local news and happenings after we left home, her meticulous way of writing thank you notes, mentioning every gift, how much she liked it, and how she was using it.

These memories are just the tip of the iceberg of the many small things that you can almost take for granted when they are happening, but upon reflection you realize that it’s the small things that make the big lasting imprint and tell the greatest story of love and caring.

Here’s to Nancy Garfield Rice – one truly fantastic lady.

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It’s very heartwarming and I thought it was worth sharing, especially with so many children around the world in need of a family.

For the short clip on you tube, click here.

To see the full five minute video, click here.

If adoption is something that you have been considering, I think this just may inspire you to take the next step.

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I think this certainly plays into the now established norms of helicoptering parenting as well.  Any ideas on what has driven this major societal shift?

HIGH SCHOOL — 1959 vs. 2009

Scenario  1:
Jack  goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school  parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack.
1959  - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2009  - School  goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.



Scenario  2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1959  - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2009  - Police called and SWAT team arrives — they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.



Scenario  3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1959  - Jeffrey sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the  Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again..
2009  - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario  4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1959  - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2009  - Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.  Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.



Scenario  5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1959 - Mark  shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking  dock.
2009 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.


Scenario  6: Pedro fails high school English.
1959 - Pedro  goes to summer school, passes English and goes to  college.
2009 - Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher.  English is then banned from  core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak  English..

Scenario  7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed..
1959  - Ants die.
2009 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents  – and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny’s dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario  8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort  him.
1959  - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing..
2009  - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.  Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

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As a follow-up to Anne’s recent posts regarding the college admissions process, I wanted to share some thoughts regarding the admissions interview. For the past 8 years, I’ve conducted over 50 admissions interviews on behalf of Georgetown University. Admittedly, not every college uses the interview in the same way, but I do feel that there are some basic concepts that can be applied to the process.

Too often, I meet with students who don’t seem to have a clear understanding of the goal of the interview, and so arrive unprepared (and very anxious). While everyone understands the importance of the other elements in the admissions process (grades, SAT scores, extracurricular activities, etc.), I often feel that the admissions interview is not given as much focus. (I’m actually not sure why this is – if anyone has any thoughts on this, I would love to hear them!)

Put simply, an admissions interview can be equated to a job interview. As adults, we’ve learned just how much preparation is required. But since high school students generally haven’t had the opportunity to experience this type of interview, we need to clue them in.

First, it is important to understand the goals of the admissions interview:

1. Help the college to make a personal connection with the applicant
2. Provide the school with an opportunity to gather additional insights into the student’s background, motivations and goals, and assess how well they would fit with the school’s academic environment and culture
3. Provide the student with an opportunity to gather additional information about the school that they were not able to learn through the website (i.e., school culture, student experience), so that they can better determine if the school is right for them

While it is true that the admissions interview is used to evaluate a student, I try to convey to the student that it should be viewed as a “friendly” process – that the goal is not to find faults, but to assess fit.

In preparation for the interview, the student should take some time to think about the following (it may be helpful for the student to write down their answers, in order to clarify their thoughts):

• What are their educational goals?

• What are their career goals (these can be specific goals if known, or just general thoughts if the student is still undecided)

• What do they want to communicate:  strengths, accomplishments, unique aspects of their background, etc.

Basically, they should come to the interview with a “point of view” about who they are, and where they would like to go in the future.

I also suggest that the student learn as much about the school as possible beforehand through the school’s website. This will show the interviewer that they have a serious interest in the school, and are not just applying on a whim, or because their parents want them to (this may actually be the case, but there is no need to shout it out). I confess that when a student doesn’t have at least a basic understanding of the school, a red flag is raised, and this does factor into my overall assessment.

Finally, the student should put together a list of any questions that they may have. As I mentioned earlier, this is also their chance to collect as much information as possible about the school so that they can decide if it would be the right choice for them. I encourage students to ask about anything — and I’ve gotten some REALLY interesting questions – but I appreciate curiosity, and am always happy to answer them.

When it comes time for the actual interview, the best advice that I can give the applicant is the following:

1. RELAX!
2. “Be Yourself” (i.e., don’t try to be who you think the interview wants you to be).
3. This is your chance to shine – so don’t be afraid to talk up your strengths and accomplishments (I actually tell the students I interview that it’s okay to brag).
4. Remember that a good interview will be a 2-sided conversation, so be ready to participate:

• Elaborate on answers
• Give examples when possible
• Ask questions

When a student has prepared for their interview, the conversation flows more easily and ultimately I am able to get a much better understanding of their background, qualifications and goals. They also reflect a positive attitude, interest in the school, and most importantly, confidence. As you can imagine, this tends to translate to a better assessment. And while I won’t necessarily take points off when a student is unprepared, I always come away feeling that it was unfortunate they did not receive guidance and insight into the process ahead of time.

Hope this helps!

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My mind started spinning with this new logistical challenge – as driving him to school takes close to 35/40 minutes round trip.  The domino effect had begun; all four children were going to miss the bus and have to be driven to school.  Sam for some reason, was already very self motivated that morning.  Before this challenge hit, he had elected to put his whole lunch together himself.  He made his PB & J sandwich, packed two drinks, a banana and a snack (and a napkin) and had everything in his lunch bag by the time I left. Luckily I had the other lunches made, and breakfasts were ready to be eaten.  I ran out the door, leaving Eliza in charge, and pleading that everyone eat breakfast, get dressed, go to the bathroom, brush teeth and get shoes on and be ready to go when I returned. (This is a major feat, you see, because I’m typically negotiating them out of bed, dressing them myself as they are too groggy to do anything for themselves, coercing them into the bathroom; the morning routine is rarely a stress free production).

I figured I’d get back and then take the next car load to school – as I was sure we’d miss the bus.  I walked back in the house at 7:33.  Jack and Sam were sitting on the couch, coats on, backpacks on, ready to go.  Eliza claimed she did nothing to help them.  I was pleasantly surprised, ah maybe I should say pleasantly blown-away.

Jack ended up catching the bus, but Sam held out for my previous promise of driving him to school.  After the bus picked up Jack, I drove Sam and Eliza to school, and then treated myself to an Eggnogg latte for my drive in to work.

I was very proud of these two, and decided at certain times they can function much better without me.  I think I may just disappear more often in the morning.  No telling what heights they can achieve if I’m not there to coax them along!

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In an extreme example of the multi-tasking familiar to moms everywhere, one of the police officers hailed as a Fort Hood hero says she had two priorities after she and another officer stopped a gunman who had just killed 13 people.

One: get a tourniquet applied to her thigh, bleeding heavily where a bullet had pierced her femoral artery.

Two: arrange for someone to pick up her toddler from day care.

Sgt. Kimberly Munley, 34, was interviewed on NBC’s “Today” show Thursday morning along with Sgt. Mark Todd, who also responded to the shooting. They appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” Wednesday afternoon. …

The petite police officer, who stands 5 feet 2 inches tall, said she was hit by three bullets. One struck the knuckle of her right hand; one passed through her right knee, then hit her left leg; and one pierced the femoral artery in her left thigh.

“I knew from the amount of blood and the color of the blood that was coming out” of the thigh wound that it was gravely serious, Munley said, sitting in a wheelchair with a blanket spread over her legs.

The soldiers who ran to help her knew it, too; even as she urged them to get pressure on the wound, they were fashioning a tourniquet.

Bleeding stanched, Munley immediately entered what “Today” hosts Ann Curry and Meredith Viera — themselves working mothers — dubbed “Mommy Mode.” She located her cellphone and arranged for someone to pick up her 2-year-old daughter (an older daughter, age 12, presumably gets home from school on her own).

“So the balancing act of motherhood and being a police officer did not end, even at that moment, for you,” said Curry.

“Absolutely not,” Munley said, smiling slightly. “It never does.”

Regardless of the ages of our children, slipping into mommy mode is as automatic as breathing for most women. And, all of us have had moments where we’ve had to juggle the needs of our children at “inopportune” times while dealing with life’s other demands. While hopefully none of us have ever faced as extreme a situation as Sgt. Munley, I’m curious about what (and how) other Wise Women have had to multi-task their motherhood duties with work/volunteer/other life responsibilities. Do tell.

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So I thought I would give it a try, and see how my young boys received it.  I decided that I would let it be their choice – and if they wanted to keep their candy – that was fine – we would obviously just have to limit the daily consumption of it.

So here was my deal.  I told them that I would buy all their candy for $10, and then take them to the toy store so they could pick out something special that costs $10 or less.  They both took me up on the offer without hesitating, and negotiated to keep two pieces of candy.

One friend pushed back on this scenario a bit – vocalizing that Halloween is one of those special occasions – and it wouldn’t be right to take away the candy.  My response was that candy today is so prevalent – I feel like almost everyday somehow candy is in my kid’s lives.  When we were kids it was candy at Halloween, Christmas and Easter – but not much beyond that.

Anyhow, the boys were very happy with their trade.  Jack bought a Yankees bear, Sam a little stuffed cow (of course, we don’t need anymore stuffed animals in the house either!).  It was very cute watching them walk around the store with money in hand, looking at different prices and deciding what they could afford.

So now I will share all my candy with my co-workers.  See, everyone is happy in the end!

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