“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.

“I don’t much care where …” said Alice.

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.

- Lewis Caroll, Alice in Wonderland

The above passage takes on new meaning for those of us in the midst of a career/life transition (or on the brink of one). It captures the importance of deliberate planning so you can go in the “right” direction and, ultimately, arrive at your desired destination. However, one could also say the words validate (and maybe grant permission to) a bit of meandering in the journey of self-discovery toward still-unknown goals.

Lewis Carroll’s prose was cited in The 4-Hour Workweek, The New York Times Best Seller by entrepreneur Timothy Ferriss. It’s safe to assume that high-energy Ferris, a 3o-something who speaks six languages and runs a multinational firm from wireless locations worldwide, promotes the former, purposeful approach toward life. His 2009 book (an expanded and updated version of the 2007 release) includes a step-by-step plan that promises to help you “Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere and Join the New Rich.”

It would be easy to dismiss the book as a gimmicky informercial. A get-rich quick scheme that hustles you through the process of setting up the latest and greatest dot.com. That dangles the juicy possibility of a 4-hour workweek to the time-starved masses.

But, you know, the guy with frenetic energy makes some really good points!

There are true nuggets of wisdom sprinkled throughout his information-packed book and self-promoting blog. For example, The Not To Do List: 9 Habits to Stop Now is the 2.0 version of Steven Covey’s exhortation to focus on “First Things First.”

Ferriss’ ultimate goal – for both readers and himself – is to free up time and money to maximize the time spent on one’s passion. While I couldn’t see myself sitting down for a cup of coffee with the guy, I can’t argue with his aspirations.

Has anyone else read this book? What’s your take?

And, if you’re interested in reading it and comparing notes, send me a quick email at elaine@wisewomencoffeechat.com. Maybe we can set up an informal and virtual “study” group to talk through some of the ideas.

Exhibit A: Check out Sarah Palin consulting notes written on her hand as she addresses a Tea Party crowd last weekend.

Lesson Learned: Never, ever write reminder notes on body parts. Some bloggers have questioned Palin’s intelligence given her need to write down her talking points (e.g., “Lift American Spirits”). Not me. I constantly write reminders to myself about simple, everyday tasks (e.g., this a.m.’s list “blog, car, lasagna, call re: derm appt”) and, like Palin, spell-out in advance the take-away points I want an audience to remember when I give a presentation. Palin’s problem was that she relied on a method (writing on one’s hand) that comes off as juvenile and a bit sneaky. Any other writing surface would have worked - note card, post-it, corner of newspaper, napkin, Kleenex, and, of course, paper. Bottom line - my son writing on his arm to remember to bring in lunch money is O.K. An aspiring leader of the free world furtively consulting her palm to recall her “inspiring” rhetoric is NOT O.K.

Exhibit B: Now watch Obama Press Secretary Robert Gibbs later poking fun at Palin’s use of “hand-written” notes.

Lesson Learned: People are either innately “Mean Girls,” or they’re not. Gibbs is not. For those who are not naturally snarky, it is very difficult to pull off snarky humor. (You can hear the groans in the press room at Gibbs’ cheap shot.) Listen, people who can quickly come up with a biting/sarcastic/wry/cynical quip have had a lifetime of practice. If you must plan in advance and put effort into being a Mean Girl, don’t bother. You’ll be the one who ends up looking silly. (Alas, as a person who is not quick on her feet, this is a lesson I’ve learned the hard way.)

Wise Women, what’s your reaction to Exhibit A or Exhibit B? And, if you’re one who jots down reminders on your hand or arm, please feel free to amend the “lesson learned.”

Let me begin today’s post by offering a public (and definitely NOT awkward) thank you to those Wise Women who bought bead necklaces last month in support of My World Wish campaign and the second annual Wise Women Big Bucks Giveaway. As promised, for every necklace purchased, Anne and I made a matching donation to Global Colors, an organization that promotes self-sustaining grassroots economic projects.

The necklaces – beads made by women in Kenya and cords by women in Cambodia – are simple, yet elegant … and connect us to our wise sisters across the world. May you and your loved ones who received them as gifts wear them in good health!

******

Changing gears, I just had to run the following scenario by you for your reactions. Put on your advice-columnist hat and read on:

After the department director left 18 months ago, Mary and Jane are the only two people who work in a critical, high-pressure, and understaffed office. The higher ups name Mary as interim director and proceed to conduct a national search for a permanent director. Initially, Mary places herself in the pool of candidates for the permanent position, but later withdraws.

Despite a year-long search, the position remains unfilled as the few applicants who are offered the job reject it (too little money for too many headaches.)

Now the higher-ups approach Jane. They say Mary isn’t cutting it as interim director and needs to be replaced. The higher-ups say the options are: (1) for Jane to assume the role and, after six months, both parties can decide if the job is a good fit permanently, or (2) for a new, interim director to be brought in from elsewhere in the company and Jane and Mary will work for that person.

Jane considers the offer to be a career opportunity of a lifetime and decides to take the interim director position.

Mary considers the reassignment to be a slap-in-the face and is not talking to Jane, who is now her boss.

Can this working relationship be saved? Both Jane and Mary are good, hard-working people. If you are the work friend of Jane or Mary (or both – as I am), what do you say to them?

I’m sure most of you have seen Maria Shriver over the past month on the news programs speaking about her recently released report regarding A Women’s Nation that Changes Everything.  I found that I was just catching a bit of her interviews – and was interested in learning more.  Ms. Shriver, along with the  Center for American Progress, have just released The Shriver Report – a report about the status of today’s woman.  A report of this depth and magnitude has not been conducted in nearly 50 years – when John F. Kennedy asked Eleanor Roosevelt to chair the first Commission on the Status of the American Woman.

The results are not surprising.  Half of all US workers are women, and women are the primary breadwinner or the co-breadwinner in nearly two-thirds of American families. Furthermore, four in five families with children at home do not comprise the traditional model of Dad being the breadwinner and Mom being the homemaker.  The study points out that the managing of daily life (work and personal) rather than being the traditional model of battle of the sexes – is transforming in to a negotiation between the sexes as it relates to work, family, household responsibility, childcare and elder-care.

The common concern, of course, is that kids may be left behind.  In families where both parents work, sometimes it’s a necessity, sometimes it’s a choice.  Regardless, today’s parents are spending a lot less time with their children.  The challenge becomes that our workplaces, the government, and our religious institutions haven’t quite figured out how to embrace this reality.  Flexible work schedules, comprehensive childcare policies, redesigned family and medical leave and equal pay – are still non-existent or in the infancy stages at most places.

Somehow I’ve managed to work three days a week since my oldest was born 15 years ago.  Now I work as a consultant – but I worked as a part time employee for two different companies for ten years.  This balancing act is not only something for parents to figure out, but also the workplace.  And while I wish corporations were more advanced in figuring out how to better manage flexibility – I also understand it is a huge challenge. By publishing this report, Maria Shriver is at least trying to promote this topic as part of a national agenda and force a serious conversation about this topic. Rather than continuing to dismiss, ignore, or table for a better time, hopefully corporate America will put some heavy lifters focused on this agenda to develop a solution that is both a win/win for employees as well as the corporation.

To read this report in its entirety or just excerpts, click on the link above.  If anyone has personal stories to share as it relates to this topic and the realities of balancing, please reach out to myself or Elaine.  Guest bloggers welcome!

At a business lunch this week, I happened to end up sitting next to the executive director of the professional association to which I belong. Within minutes of exchanging names and affiliations, we found ourselves comparing notes on the challenges of caregiving (she cared for her mother with Alzheimer’s; I’m in a new role helping my mother-in-law who’s now staying with us).

I’ve noticed this dynamic before in my professional interactions. When meeting a female business associate for the first time, I quickly zero in and talk about a personal fact we have in common (kids, hobby, vacation destination). If I feel connected and comfortable during this sharing/networking time, the person automatically (and unconsciously) earns the “Elaine Seal of Approval.” I am much more likely to seek out and respond to this person down the road when our professional interests overlap.

I’ve engaged in this get-to-know-you dance with a few male associates over the years, but only a handful. Probably explains why the number of women outnumber men on my contact list by 10:1.

A recent article forwarded by Wise Woman Shane validated this experience for me. In Understanding How Women Network: Why Women Make Small Talk and Men Shoot Straight, Meghan Casserly writes:

In an effort to personalize professional networking, women normally try to create connections or friendships. “Before we think, ‘What can this person do for me,’ we ask, ‘What can I do for her in order to get what I need.’” In many cases this give-and-then-take style of networking builds long-lasting relationships.

The article goes on to describe the benefits/downsides of this type of networking, as well as how to best network with men (e.g., “make boy small talk, not girl talk”).

What’s networking look like for you? And can someone please tell me what constitutes “boy” small talk?

When was the last time you sat through a meeting and, at the end, thought, “That was really a productive use of my time”?

I’ll give you a minute to think …

Racking your brain to come up with an example? I did, too, especially after reading an article written by Marie Wilson (co-creator of Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work) that stressed the importance of meetings to “build the morale of an organization.”

What?!?!? Where are these morale-boosting meetings taking place, and why wasn’t I invited? The hundreds (maybe thousands) of meetings I’ve attended in my life have almost universally left me listless, uninspired and a tad more cynical. Whatever good momentum I had going during the day was usually brought to a screeching halt by a mind-numbing meeting. (In case you haven’t guessed, Wednesdays are the big meeting day in my department – two, sometimes three, meetings every Wednesday. It’s painful.)

Wilson’s piece The Joy of Meetings and other columns featured in The Washington Post’s “On Leadership” section argue that in-person meetings are critical, particularly in this day of overflowing in-boxes and an over-reliance on virtual communication. However, they hasten to add, those meetings must be well-run and have purposeful agendas.

Now, no one I know sets out to run an aimless and unproductive meeting. In the minds of most meeting leaders, THEIR agendas are purposeful and participants benefit from the deliberations.

Where is the disconnect here? Any Wise Woman (or Wise Man) out there regularly participate in a meeting that they consider to be worthwhile? What’s the secret? And, what’s the secret for me to get through next Wednesday … and the Wednesday after that … and the one after that?

** Note: I am not a huge fan of the verb “suck,” but being around teens and college students so much, the word has snuck into my vocabulary. And, in a discussion of meetings that drain your energy and suck the life right out of you, I can think of no better term. Sorry if the word turns you off.

My workplace is like many in its efforts to save money. No raises this year. No more funding for travel reimbursement. Nothing for professional development training. No money even to treat the guest of honor at going-away lunches. I’m OK with all this and have not grumbled once because we’re all “taking one for the team.”

Then, last Friday morning, I open my email and read a request to change the font size we use when printing documents: adjust to 10 pt., it says, so that we can save money by using less ink and paper.

Did I mention it’s Friday? At the end of a long week? And that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning? And that previously my request to take a month of unpaid leave (touted as a my way to help save money) had been rejected?

As I reread the email, I think, “You’ve got to be kidding me! A month’s worth of even my paltry salary would save more than a century’s worth of using 10 pt. font.”

Now, I’m in a snit. I cut and paste the offending email (because I know the risk and folly of simply hitting “forward”), punch in a new address and send it to Wise Hubby with the comment: “Really?!?!? Wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier to just give me a month of unpaid leave?”

An hour later, I check my email again. I blink twice. The email response with “Really?!?!?” in the subject line is not from Mike, but from my boss. Yes, I had inadvertently sent my snarky email to my boss, not my husband.

My Friday has taken a decided turn for the worse.

To my boss’s infinite credit, his response is perfect. It’s simply: “I get it.” (He must have gone through the advanced training course for dealing with grumpy and hormonal middle-age women.) However, his lack of defensiveness and acceptance of my unprofessional comment somehow make me feel even worse.

With my boss out of the office that day, I can’t walk into his office, look him in the eye and apologize. I must rely on a virtual apology for my virtual faux pas, so I craft an apologetic, mea culpa email.

And spend the rest of the day behind my closed office door trying to wrestle my size 10 (that’s shoe size, not font size) foot out of my mouth.

Almost 10 years ago at our annual Labor Day gathering in Rhode Island, my co-blogger Anne was my sounding board as I wrestled with the pros and cons of an exciting, high-prestige job opportunity. The decision came down to one fundamental question: Was it worth it (to me) to earn double the salary for double the stress (and a so-so boss)? I don’t remember what Anne said (and I doubt she even remembers the conversation), but I do remember the clarity I felt upon leaving The Ocean State: I wasn’t going to take the job. And, it was the so-so boss that tipped the scale for me.

I had a flashback to that decision point when I read about the recent biannual job satisfaction survey of Federal workers which found that employees place a higher value on a good boss than a fatter paycheck. More than 200,000 surveyed employees said they most valued their senior leadership team, how well their leaders communicate information with the rank and file, and availability of training and other professional opportunities

Who are the happiest campers among Federal workers, according to the survey? Folks at the Nuclear Regulatory Commission, a finding which brings me great comfort. If your job description includes words like “plutonium”, “emergency preparedness”, and “nuclear reactors,” I WANT you to be satisfied on the job!

Do the survey results jive with your experience, Wise Women? When you think about jobs where you were happiest, what were the attributes that made it worthwhile? If you’ve ever had a poor-communicating boss, what amount of money would have made the job more tolerable?

And, if you’re interested in NRC vacancies (GAO, NASA, CIA and State Department ranked highly, too), check out job opportunities at www.usajobs.opm.gov/.

I’ve been laid off twice in my career. The first time, the layoff coincided perfectly with my decision to leave my job and return to graduate school. How great was that – receiving severance pay (a whopping two weeks at a $19K/year job) for nothing more than good timing.

Years later, the second layoff caught me by surprise. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. While I spent the next month calmly notifying clients and tying up loose ends, emotionally I was rolling around on the floor writhing in pain. I was so lost without a professional identity, even temporarily, that I did the one thing laid-off workers should never do: jumped at the first job offer. I desperately wanted to be able tell people how I landed on my feet. During that period, I learned that being laid off is not the worst possible professional experience – being in an ill-fitting job with an ill-tempered boss was much worse.

Thus, I feel strong compassion when I that hear a friend/colleague/loved one/even stranger has been laid off. As I offer support, I know there are things to NOT say at those times, even with the best of intentions. Such no-no’s include:

1. “It’s probably for the best. You didn’t like that job anyway”
2. “Just think – You’ve got all this free time to catch up on your reading (or pastime of choice).”
3. “How’s the job hunt going?” (OK to ask. Just not OK to ask first thing during each and every conversation.)
4. “I know how you feel.” (Even if you, too, have been laid off before, the circumstances may differ greatly, such as industry outlook, “rainy day” money in the bank, mortgage/rent commitment, etc.)
5. “Don’t worry. You’re so talented – you’ll find something in no time.” (These days, everyone is scrambling.)

Anyone want to add to this list of “What Not to Say?” Conversely, what have people said to/done for you that felt supportive and understanding during layoffs or other challenging work time?

A week before Mother’s Day, I just wanted to salute two Moms who are pursuing their passion to design jewelry. Both “corporate” women, one has left the corporate world to pursue her passion full time, the other continues to work full time and pursue her passion on the side. Both have their own distinct style – and both offer refreshingly unique, fun pieces. 

Beyond their obvious talent, I applaud their pursuit of their passion more than anything – so many of us are always thinking “I wish I could find the time to do …”  I’ve decided the reality is that there will never be the time, nor the perfect time, and if it is something you truly enjoy, you just have to figure out how to make it happen.  

So beyond my pure admiration of their talents and pursuit of happiness, Mother’s Day is around the corner – and you may want to check out exactly what they have to offer.

The first is CM Design. Check out Camille’s website to see her pieces. Camille uses tumble polished and satin finished sterling and silver plate wire as solo pieces or embellished with unique and beautful focal point beads of hand-blown Venetian and Murano glass, natural stone, hand painted ceramic, resin and vintage acrylic.   

The second designer is Pam.  It is Pam’s work that I have pictured here, as she has not had the time to develop a website yet. Her business is called Beadazzled, and you can reach Pam at 203-968-2811 or on her cell at 203-912-1250.  Pam works with sterling silver, swarovski crystal, borosilicate glass and semi precious stones. 

Support these two Wise Women when you’re thinking about your Mom, aunt, daughter, special friend or yourself!