Guest Blogger Adriana shares her thoughts and feelings regarding the emotions that mark the early stages of menopause.  Some of us have yet to experience this, while others I’m sure have made the journey through.  Anyone who has thoughts on this topic, questions, or revelations, please share!

I do not choose to avert my premenopausal symptoms.

Having said that, let me clarify that I am not overjoyed to periodically experience the effects.  Typically, they are not pleasant.  I am left irritable at times, short of patience, exasperated, angry and …  (ahem), seething has surfaced a time or two.   My sleep is often disrupted, leaving my mental acuity in question and my level of enthusiasm for the couch at a new high.  Clearly, to those around me, I am not my usual self.  I, perhaps, have often been the one left the most surprised ( ok, astounded) at some of my responses to friends, co- workers and family members.  The most amazing development is that , when in this state, I have little control over my reactions. They are from the heart and expressed in truth.  Development, indeed.

I did some research and found that, in my upper forties,  I am right on schedule.  The world is unfolding as it should.  I learned a bit about the science of things, the emotions, the physical and spiritual effects.  I got some answers to questions I had wondered about myself, the person I seem to be becoming. I found out that becoming is the operative word.  I gained a sense that this change is purposeful, and would lead to an eventual promise of transformation.  My typical optimistic approach to life leads me to believe my greatest sense of self and my deepest wisdom awaits.

For me, I think it is something for which I need to participate. For now I can afford to do so.  Thankfully, my responses are not such that I am hurting my children or I am in jeopardy of losing my job.  Besides, I am more than a bit curious about the metamorphosis.   Perhaps the reason I seek time alone more often now, is to contemplate all that is going on and to do some much needed work on myself.  Even the restless sleep patterns give way to purpose as I have additional time, while not welcomed, to progress.

I am approaching perimenopause much like I approached labor for each of my three children.  I am willing to try the experience unmedicated and see how it goes.  I will reserve judgment until the experience and the space I am in prompts me to choose otherwise.  My first two deliveries were unmedicated.  For my third baby, an epidural was the best course of action.

I might grow frustrated with the time it takes to evolve.  Leaving behind the social graces  of the public façade, to speak truth to others and to myself, is a change that takes time.  I often think of a poignant time when my eldest son was a little boy.  He found a caterpillar on a milkweed stem.  We put it in a box and watched it form a cocoon. In a few short days a butterfly emerged much to his delight.  He watched it continuously and even “helped” it come out of her cocoon, unraveling the edges to allow her to release.  Unfortunately, she emerged from her wrappings before she was fully formed.  Her wings never unraveled.

 If I can manage  to squeeze out a  bit more patience, I best give time some time.  While I venture to say this isn’t always a picnic, it helps to understand the reason for the ants.