Making Whoopie = How Many Calories?!?

bob-eubanksToday, August 13th,  is my wedding anniversary. The day brings back the fond, yet embarassing memory of how we celebrated our first annivesary.

Graduate students who were poor as church mice and up to our eyeballs in debt, we treated ourselves to a weekend at an all-inclusive Poconos resort that cost $89 per night. The place was old, shabby, and clearly a favorite haunt of the bargain-seeking crowd.

A few hours after our arrival, we wandered into the Lodge and were tapped to be in the resort’s cheesy version of The Newlywood Game. The only other contestants were a pair of teenagers who had eloped the day before and were now on their honeymoon. 

With the studio audience (other resort guests) watching, we held our own for most of the rounds; after one year of marriage, we were largely on the same page with our answers. However, we hit a major speed bump with the final question. The Bob Eubanks wannabe asked, ”If making whoopie burns 15 calories each time, how many calories have you burned since you arrived at The Hideaway?”

The teenage couple exchanged knowing glances and quickly scribbled their answers. I turned bright red and slowly wrote down my answer: zero. In our first few hours in the Poconos, we had spent the time exploring the resort, such as it was, and checking out the amenities, such as they were. Thinking there was still plenty of time to ‘burn calories’ the rest of the weekend, I held my head high as I flipped my card up to reveal my answer.

So, imagine my surprise when Mike turned over his card and it read “30 calories.” The emcee immediately jumped on the discrepancy. “Well, well, well …” he said with a few exaggerated winks and a chuckle. “If Elaine’s at zero, who has Mike been burning calories with?”  We ended up losing the game to the young couple, teenagers who had been married less than 24 hours and could not even legally join a champagne toast in honor of their nuptials.  

Back in the privacy of our room, I challenged Mike. “If you’re going to lie, why 30 calories?!? Why not 15 – something more realistic? How on earth would you expect me to come up with 30?” I don’t remember his exact response, but I do recall him saying something about 15 not being impressive enough.

We learned a valuable lesson from this  public humiliation more than 20 years ago. If we are going to bend the truth, we neet to get our stories straight in advance. And both agree ahead of time on how impressive we want the story to be.


  • Maura Says:
    8-13-2009 08:29:20

    Thank you for the laugh this morning. I am sitting here still laughing with tears in my eyes. Great story and Happy Anniversary.

  • Kathleen Says:
    8-13-2009 19:44:04

    Gave me a much-needed laugh today too! Thanks for the story.

  • Sharon Says:
    8-16-2009 21:22:25

    A belated Happy Anniversary!

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