Let’s hope I’m not struck down for taking the time-honored Biblical message (”‘Tis better to give than to receive”) and turning it on its head.
My intent is not to discount the joy of giving. No, it’s to discourage the need for obligatory gift-giving. You know those times when someone (neighbor, coworker, casual friend) unexpectedly gives you a present, and you automatically (often frantically) feel the pressure to reciprocate.
In fact, magazines urge us to stock-pile “emergency gifts” for just such occasions. Feeling awkward and empty-handed? Create a stash of generic gifts – pillar candles, card games in tins, bud vases, special teas or cocoa, potpourri, and pre-made basket of lotions and soaps — and save yourself from a potentially embarrassing situation.
Let me suggest an alternative strategy: Say “thank you” and simply appreciate the gift and the warm sentiment it represents. There’s no need to scramble and produce a gift out of guilt. In fact, this obligatory sense of quid pro quo often makes the original giver feel uncomfortable and taints the whole experience.
So, receive the gift graciously. And, if at the next gift-giving opportunity, you feel a genuine urge to give that person a present, by all means — do so. As sacred Hindu scripture says:
A gift is pure when it is given from the heart to the right person at the right time and at the right place, and when we expect nothing in return.
P.S. In the coming weeks, remember to …
- Leave a comment in support of the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation and thereby increase the donation amount for this worthy cause.
- Enjoy chatting over coffee with the wise women in your life while Anne and I take a break from blogging over the holidays. We resume on January 5, 2009.
12-23-2008 08:31:08
Elaine, I like this idea, and I’ll bet you’ve given a lot of other readers a sense of relief. I’m one of those people who keep a small stash of things at the ready, hidden in the corner of my dining room. And I always had the nagging feeling that there’s something a bit insincere about the practice.
I’m wishing you and Anne a beautiful holiday!
12-23-2008 19:55:59
You make a very good point for this, or any, time of year. Every now and then I find the perfect gift for someone, for no reason other than I am thinking of them. The perfect response is a smile and “thank you.” Merry Christmas Elaine and Anne!
12-24-2008 14:47:29
I loved this sentiment as well. I don’t think any of us give with the expectation that we want something in return. It is just nice to give. However, I shared this thought with my daughter this morning; she responded that she likes to receive too.
Maybe it’s a coming of age thing….! Happy Holidays everyone!