I am nauseous. Butterflies – no, make that bats – are flapping around in my stomach. I’m having that surreal experience of watching myself as I move about and interact with others (a not uncommon reaction to stressful situations). What is stirring up my anxiety?
As you read this, I am sitting at my new desk on my first day of work. After 15 years of working part-time (most of that time being my own boss), I have rejoined the FT workforce. And, while it may seem like one small step to many, it’s one giant leap for Elaine-kind.
The good news is that the job is fabulous and the people seem great. My commute is six miles door-to-door. I get tons of vacation and good benefits. I am excited to tackle the many work tasks that await me.
So, why the upset stomach?
For one, this new routine is so outside my current comfort zone. Have you noticed that, as we get older, there are fewer and fewer brand-new experiences in our lives? That on most days, 23+ out of 24 hours are spent doing something regular and familiar? I once read an article about a woman who vowed to do a new thing every day for a year (anything from eating previously untried Brussels sprouts to parachuting out of plane). I entertained the thought of following in her footsteps for a nanosecond. Nah, too much work. I enjoy the comforting rhythm of my life.
Yet, here I sit, having upended my smooth-running, orderly life. Forget trying one new thing a day! I’m in the process of doing one new thing every half-hour!
For two, I’ve already experienced how a FT schedule limits my ability to connect with others. My neighbor called yesterday to invite me to coffee with other ladies on the street (a “live” Wise Women Coffee Chat, if you will). Sorry, I can’t make it on Friday morning.
And, one day last week, I picked up Jackson after-school and we went to the library and then the gym. While we were walking on the treadmills together, he asked if I could pick him up for a similar mother-son outing every week. I automatically said, “Yes, of course.” After a few more steps, we both turned and looked at each other, realizing that after-school jaunts were about to be a thing of the past.
OK, now I want to cry AND throw up. Not good.
In another week or so, I’ll report back on all the exciting things I’m doing at work and how my family is stepping up to take on more responsibility at home (knock on wood). But, for now, I’m too busy trying to chase away these winged-creatures flying around in my stomach; they are multiplying.
9-15-2008 09:14:10
Aw, Elaine, I feel for you and what you’re going through as you adapt to the changes. But you will adapt, and I’m betting your family will, too. It’s not easy at first.
Even when you work from home, as I’ve done for years as a freelance writer, you still can’t do everything with your kids when they ask for your company. And contrary to what people want to believe about working from home, you’re still not “free” to do social things with friends, or volunteer for everything at school…When my son was small, he’d stand my home office door while I worked, waiting for me to take him to the park or out for icecream, etc … I had to explain that this was my work, and that he needed to respect that, and then we would compromise. A good lesson for us both. Ultimately, he was proud of what I did, and I’m sure Jackson will be proud of your work too.
and can you tell us about your new job?
9-15-2008 10:20:21
Elaine, best of luck on your new job. Eventually, your job won’t seem quite so daunting and you will establish a rhythm and a routine. One of the best things about this time in your life is that you still have new challenges and new opportunities ahead of you. You may change careers and change the world.
9-15-2008 18:45:41
Keep your wonderful sense of humor and know that its helped to create a climate of resilience with your family. Looking forward to Dilbert-like commentary about your new job too!
9-16-2008 21:25:43
And Elaine, remember, change is good. We only grow when we put ourselves outside of our comfort zone…
10-9-2008 19:09:26
Elaine,
I’m starting to read your back installments to get to know as many of you as I can, though
10-9-2008 19:47:18
Am starting to read your former posts to get to know more of the women on this site, and didn’t know you just started a new routine for yourself this fall. Congratulations on your new position!
Working at a meaningful job makes life so much richer. Those years I spent in teaching gave me a wealth of human relationships that I will treasure forever. It also felt like a way to pay God back for the artistic ability he gave me (I was an art teacher at a jr. high all those years). Aiding in developing a young person’s skill is a chance to build their confidence at such a peer sensitive age. I was astounded by the talent of so many students. And of course, the staff I worked with became oh so dear.
Can I tell you the nicest thing, though there were many who did kind things, that my friend the school secretary did when I retired? I always loved a dress she wore and told her to give it to me when she tired of it. She waited until my last day, and we both cried when I pulled a pillow out of the gift bag made from her dress…she cut up the dress to make me a car pillow for our trips to our cottage in the UP of Michigan and back!!! Talk about the shirt off her back.
I am sure that the time you are away from your family will increase your life two-fold and the time with your children will be all the more precious. I also think that when we are absorbed in life our children see us as the mentors they need to achieve things in life as well.
Our son wanted to go to college because both of his parents have two degrees and put a value on education. If we stay at home and are full-filled in being the best homemaker possible and our children see that as being valuable, they want to follow that example also. If we can do both, we open up their options in life. That is not to say that some things are not short-changed, but the trade off is tremendous in the grand spectrum. And I say that knowing that I had always wanted to be a stay at home Mom when I first married!
Best to you and all the women on this site who got out in the world, sacrificed and used their talents to improve the quality of their lives and those of their family.