Comments on: Having “THE” Talk: The 40/70 Rule http://wisewomencoffeechat.com/2008/07/having-the-talk-the-4070-rule/ Just another WordPress weblog Tue, 02 Aug 2011 08:46:30 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.3 hourly 1 By: Wise Women Coffee Chat » Having “THE” Talk: The 8/15 Rule http://wisewomencoffeechat.com/2008/07/having-the-talk-the-4070-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-191 Wise Women Coffee Chat » Having “THE” Talk: The 8/15 Rule Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:30:54 +0000 http://wisewomencoffeechat.com/?p=313#comment-191 [...] Having "THE" Talk: The 40/70 Rule (2) [...] [...] Having “THE” Talk: The 40/70 Rule (2) [...]

]]> By: elaine http://wisewomencoffeechat.com/2008/07/having-the-talk-the-4070-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-188 elaine Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:00:33 +0000 http://wisewomencoffeechat.com/?p=313#comment-188 A meeting with an eldercare attorney and cocktails at the future burial site - I can think of no better way to combine business and pleasure! Thanks for sharing those wonderful ideas. And it's helpful to hear about older parents who are receptive to having "the" talk. A meeting with an eldercare attorney and cocktails at the future burial site – I can think of no better way to combine business and pleasure! Thanks for sharing those wonderful ideas. And it’s helpful to hear about older parents who are receptive to having “the” talk.

]]> By: Catherine http://wisewomencoffeechat.com/2008/07/having-the-talk-the-4070-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-185 Catherine Tue, 15 Jul 2008 15:04:59 +0000 http://wisewomencoffeechat.com/?p=313#comment-185 It's definitely best to have 'the talk' when there is no crisis brewing. I think that, if possible, the (usually) daughter should lay some ground work and let her parents know she wants to make sure their wishes are carried out in the event there is a medical emergency or crisis. Parents may need some time to think over what they would like to happen, so she may need to schedule a second meeting. I think it is best if the daughter can point out that she, and her husband, if applicable, have been discussing, for their own peace of mind, their medical and durable asset power of attorneys. This gives her a starting point for the conversation. My parents are in their 80's. With their consent, I contacted an eldercare attorney and accompanied my parents to the meeting wherein their wills were updated and powers of attorney were discussed. We had already had several talks, and they were finally ready to take this step. Parents may be hesitant to share financial information. However, it can be handled tactfully. If you are clear that you want to make sure they are well taken care of, and that you would only step in to handle business affairs in an extreme situation, they may be willing to share. Even though it is awkward, remind yourself that if you have to handle an emergency, and know nothing at all about your parents' wishes and business affairs, you will be at a severe disadvantage. Catherine It’s definitely best to have ‘the talk’ when there is no crisis brewing. I think that, if possible, the (usually) daughter should lay some ground work and let her parents know she wants to make sure their wishes are carried out in the event there is a medical emergency or crisis. Parents may need some time to think over what they would like to happen, so she may need to schedule a second meeting.

I think it is best if the daughter can point out that she, and her husband, if applicable, have been discussing, for their own peace of mind, their medical and durable asset power of attorneys. This gives her a starting point for the conversation.

My parents are in their 80’s. With their consent, I contacted an eldercare attorney and accompanied my parents to the meeting wherein their wills were updated and powers of attorney were discussed. We had already had several talks, and they were finally ready to take this step.

Parents may be hesitant to share financial information. However, it can be handled tactfully. If you are clear that you want to make sure they are well taken care of, and that you would only step in to handle business affairs in an extreme situation, they may be willing to share.

Even though it is awkward, remind yourself that if you have to handle an emergency, and know nothing at all about your parents’ wishes and business affairs, you will be at a severe disadvantage.

Catherine

]]> By: Anne http://wisewomencoffeechat.com/2008/07/having-the-talk-the-4070-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-171 Anne Sun, 13 Jul 2008 19:52:35 +0000 http://wisewomencoffeechat.com/?p=313#comment-171 Shoot. I thought this one was going to be on having the sex talk. I still have trouble with that one. I've tried it on on the older two...but still have two to experiment on. That aside, having this discussion with parents is tough but necessary. Because of my mom's declining health, my father and I have had this discussion and have gotten their affairs into some kind of order. However, my Dad kind of makes this easy. He'll call me up and tell me about a great poem that he loves that he wants to have read at his funeral. This has forced me to create a Dad funeral file - rather morbid I think, but at the same time makes me smile because of his whole approach. When he bought his cemetery plots up in Maine a few years back, we had to go into the cemetery one evening, where he proceeded to set up lawn chairs on his and mom's "plots" and then we had cocktails! Shoot. I thought this one was going to be on having the sex talk. I still have trouble with that one. I’ve tried it on on the older two…but still have two to experiment on. That aside, having this discussion with parents is tough but necessary. Because of my mom’s declining health, my father and I have had this discussion and have gotten their affairs into some kind of order. However, my Dad kind of makes this easy. He’ll call me up and tell me about a great poem that he loves that he wants to have read at his funeral. This has forced me to create a Dad funeral file – rather morbid I think, but at the same time makes me smile because of his whole approach. When he bought his cemetery plots up in Maine a few years back, we had to go into the cemetery one evening, where he proceeded to set up lawn chairs on his and mom’s “plots” and then we had cocktails!

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