We’ve all had it happen to us. Volunteer to bring food or drink to a party and been kindly rebuffed by the host. What do you do then?
Tomorrow night I’ll attend an end-of-season party for my daughter’s basketball team. One couple graciously opened up their house and invited all the families over for a pizza party. I volunteered to bring something, and the hosting mom declined. I asked again, thinking it’s only fair if the rest of us families contribute SOMETHING to this party for our daughters. Finally, the hostess suggested I bring beer (for the parents!). Phew! I felt better.
But this email dance between Ana and me got me thinking about the protocol around potlucks – really, any offer to contribute to a party or meal. At some point, others’ insistence on bringing SOMETHING begins to wear on a hostess. For myself, there are times when I don’t plan a party menu until the day before. An offer to contribute made days, even weeks, in advance forces me into planning mode prematurely Sometimes it can be more work than it’s worth to come up with different ideas for what people can bring. Other times, I just enjoy the process of preparing a meal from start to finish.
Even when hosting an officially-designated potluck, the rules are confusing. As hostess, should I “assign” courses to guests …. dessert … appetizers … etc. Should I ask them what they’d like to bring? What if they’re like me, and have no earthly idea what they want to cook 3 weeks from next Tuesday? Do I dare leave it completely open and just see what people bring?
You’d think after 20+ years of being a grown-up and entertaining, I’d have figured these things out. Can anyone shed some light on potluck protocol for me?
P.S. For any friend who’s ever brought something yummy to my house, thank you! Please do not take this rant as my being ungrateful. Believe me – gifts of food and drink are ALWAYS welcome.
6-26-2008 14:52:45
The other thing a hostess needs to be careful of is that sometimes guests automatically ask if they can bring something, and you may take them up on the offer. But I don’t want my other guests who didn’t specifically ask to feel ackward that they didn’t bring anything.
So here’s what to do: Decide what works best for you. Do you want to do the whole thing, or do you want help? Sometimes I dole out the appetizer and dessert assignments. I think it is helpful to specify what you want your guest to bring. If you want to do the cooking, you can just tell the guest inquiring to bring wine or beer. And if you really don’t want them to bring anything, stick to that – and they’ll probably bring wine/flowers/something anyways. When I’m going somewhere, if the hostess says that I don’t need to bring anything, I usually ask once if they are sure, and then drop it. Then I’ll just bring wine (or some small hospitality gift anyways).
Next time your at Home Goods, stock up on a few good hospitality gifts to put in the “gift closet.” They always have fun, reasonably priced items.
6-28-2008 12:15:01
So I am in Elaine’s boat on this potluck protocol. It has been wearing on me for a couple of days. We will probably do as we do on most occasions and pack a small, discreet cooler of beverages.
My general practice as a hostess, when asked by a guest as to what they can bring, I will 9 out of 10 times, say — appetizers. Why? They are the best part of any dinner party. And lately, I have been in a bit of an slump when it comes to the mighty appetizer.
6-28-2008 15:54:45
To build on Laurie’s comments, the other fun thing to do is have an appetizer only party – and have each of your guests bring an appetizer. I did that a few months back…and I just provided beverages and desserts. Very fun!
6-29-2008 08:01:09
I was just invited to a dinner party for this Thurs. night and was asked to bring…an appetizer! My problem is that I don’t know what to bring and who feels like digging through the millions of possibilities on epicurious.com? HELP!
6-29-2008 21:32:06
How about a nice, simple guacamole recipe? It is the season! I had decided that I would never make fresh guacamole again since the frozen brands from Trader Joes/Costco are excellent….but then I came across this recipe, and I need to eat my words. Here it is:
Quick and Easy Guacamole
2-3 slightly soft to the touch Haas Avocados
1/2 to 2/3 cup coarsely chopped red onion
1 med. tomato cored, deseeded and chopped (given the current tainted tomato crop, I used grape tomatos)
Juice of one fresh lime
1 jalapeno pepper – deseeded, deribbed, and chopped
Generous salt and pepper
Chopped cilantro
Scoop out avocado into a large mixing bowl. Gently cut avocado into small chunks or mash with a potato masher. (I prefer the small chunks). Add onion, tomato, salt, pepper, jalapeno, and cilantro and juice from 1/2 of the lime. Stir gently to combine. Taste with tortilla chip and adjust your seasonings. You will probably need more salt first, taste again and add more lime juice.
This is best prepared and served right away – if you must, cover the guacamole directly with plastic wrap. Serve with tortilla chips or pita chips. It’s very yummy! (Recipe from culinaryworks.com)